My nose too wide, lips too big and prone to cracking? And do other black men ever feel this way? For this piece, I decided to find out by speaking to a few guys to ask what they think. For many of the men I spoke to, it was the comments that precipitated insecurities first. Being acutely aware of your facial features is one of the gifts handed down to black communities via decades of racism and dehumanisation at the hands of Europeans. The boys I spoke to rarely expressed these feelings or thoughts to anyone, and if they did, they were marred by obvious suppressions.
The crippling feelings and insecure moments mostly stayed within them, without adequate expression to exorcise them, or loving words to heal them. So how can I cry about feeling ugly?
- White people, only dating black people is not progressive – it’s racist.
- Life is tough enough dating as a black woman.!
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Seems weak, and everyone knows men can make up for it and attract people in other ways. The consensus seems to be that we should use other assets to make up for facial shortcomings. Black men are notoriously guarded when it comes to their feelings and trying to get them to honestly discuss their physical appearance is a challenge not many will be interested in taking up. He discovered literature at the age of 23 while studying exercise science at university and soon after dedicated his life to reading and writing. All work published on MD is the intellectual property of its creators, and requires permission to be republished.
Contact us if you have any questions. Like Like. Great article bro! Being from America, most of us black men are dealing with the same barriers. Stay encouraged! Are they what you mean? I prefer buxom blondes between 30 and 40!!!!!! Like Liked by 1 person. I am distrusted by the usual suspects-racists, black nationalists , fugly women -but also by gangsta rap black dudes who hate me for not being a stupid thug,liking some Country music and rock and roll.
Off with you, nigger. Yes, some white women may have an issue with men because they are black and some black girls may prefer mixed guys. But if you are attractive, women will be interested however dark you are. I never thought of this perspective before. I always thought that black men were hyper-sexualized, but that could be unique to where I live. In the US it seems to me that black men are practically worshipped for their appearance. This is complete nonsense. Also, just because the left-wing media loves to freak out over black men like Idris Elba, that does not mean all white American women feel the same way.
There are just some really loud voices in leftist American press who pretend to speak on behalf of all white women. The physical features of black men are only a problem for black men who are infatuated with white women and feel entitled to having interracial relationships. This article is sad. It is written by a black man who believes he is entitled to date white women and is angry that most white women do not find the distinguishing physical features of sub-Saharan males attractive, such as their dark skin tone, coiled hair, larger lips and broader noses. Turning the lack of attraction that white women have to the features of black men into some important social injustice that needs to be addressed and corrected is not only ridiculous, but also pathetic, hypocritical and illogical.
It is pathetic as the black man has millions of women of his own race that loves his African features, yet he ignores them and considers white women superior over black women. It is hypocritical because this black man is accusing white women of white supremacy for having Eurocentric standards for the features they find attractive in men, when this black man himself is clearly infatuated with white women and desires their Eurocentric beauty more than the African beauty of the women of his own race.
He clearly has no interest in dating black women and now wants to turn the issue of white women not liking his looks into a social injustice like slavery. What does the author want? Does he want white women to undergo mandatory hypnotherapy during which they are brainwashed to find light skin, narrow noses, slender lips, coloured eyes and smooth hair ugly? Long story short, the physical features of black men are only a problem for black men who have turned their backs on black women and who are obsessed with dating white women.
This is not a case of social injustice — it is a case of undeserved entitlement. Date within your own race and your race-specific features will be more appreciated. This goes for all races. Try to date inter-racially and accept that you will not live up to the standards that people of that race have.
Antiblackness is a community problem. I experienced it from black girls when I was growing up; my African mother has experienced it from fully grown black women. A black girl I knew in school, bullied a black boy so bad that he teared up in class and everyone laughed at him. Rubber lips. Drop lips. And yes, I remember black girls experiencing it too, which is why I say its a community problem. A lot of men who experience these things, never process their pain, and end up seeking unhealthy validation as result.
This article is akin to white men tears about how hard their life is. So I give this just as much short shrift as I would an article like that. You could easily have sidestepped this article if you found it triggering. Most conversations about internalized racism rely on anecdotes, which is why I made that point about echo chambers. Surely everyone would benefit if black men dealt with their insecurities, instead of bottling them up and ending up like Kodak Black. So what do you propose black people do when self-hating black men emerge?
Cancel them and hope that the social malaise that created them disappears? No, I do not think that black men have it as hard as black women. Many sites such as Madamnoire and Gal-dem have produced articles on the topics you mention in your first post. So because YOU disagree with a comment that YOU chose to reply to on an article on a public website that makes what was stated selfish?!
You sound like a member of the site lipstick alley and deftly as miserable as the women on that site. This article is important. Today preference for light skin is called colorism. How is colorism reinforced through popular media, television, videos, and film? What are some of the effects of colorism in African American communities today? In Black Is Do you think names make a difference? What do you call yourself? Does it empower black people to set the terms for what others will call them? Why or why not? Cornel West says that the highly sexualized images of black men make it difficult for black men to get in touch with their humanity.
Do you agree with him? What images of black men are common in the media today? This section of the film opens and closes with two poems by Essex Hemphill. He begins:. If there were seven blind men One of them unable to speak Unable to hear Would be my father. Do you think it is difficult for men in general, and black men in particular, to acknowledge their hurt and discuss their fears? Have you ever found it hard to reach out for help? Silence is Our deadliest weapon We both use it. What is this silence that Hemphill refers to? Silence between whom? Do you agree that silence between men can hurt them, that communicating feelings of hurt, fear or shame can be healing?
What do you think she means by this? Do you agree or disagree? How has racism historically disempowered black men? Do you think people often attempt to compensate for lack of power and control over their own lives by asserting power over others?
Which male behaviors are held in high regard among your peers and which are not? Bill T. How prevalent are these pressures today? As a man, have you felt similar pressures? For both men and women: what feelings would you like to be more free to express? Critics like Michele Wallace and bell hooks are accused of disloyalty and airing our dirty linen in public when they speak out about black male sexism. What is the cost to black communities of speaking publicly about sexism and what is the cost of keeping quiet?
Have there ever been times when you were reluctant to bring up an issue in public? African American culture, like black music, has roots in Africa, but incorporates innovations and improvisations from other cultures.
Black SWANS (Stong Women Achievers, No Spouse)
Music is one path by which black creativity has reached the world. In the film, Barbara Smith complains that we mythologize our African past And make assertions about the past that are not necessarily true. What does she mean? Do you agree? How much of your self-esteem is due to your identification with an ethnic or racial group that has a heroic past and how much to your own efforts?
The African past is as diverse as the black American present. How might recognizing that diversity lead to better relations within black communities? I can also put on a pair of jeans, and I feel just as black," asserts Angela Davis.
What do you think Davis is criticizing with her statement? Do you think wearing African clothes, having an African name, or following Islamic or Yoruba customs makes you more black? In the film, teenagers argue about learning history. What value do you find in black history? How have you been taught black history - as the story of famous leaders or as the on-going struggles and challenges of black people? Sexism, Patriarchy and Homophobia [ to ] The conjunction of class, race, gender, and sexuality has placed wealthy, white, heterosexual men at the top of the American social hierarchy.see url
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In the face of white male privilege, many black men have demanded the same kind of power and respect. Power based only on male gender is called patriarchy, the rule of the father; discrimination against women because they are women is sexism; fear of - and discrimination against - gays and lesbians is homophobia. In the film, bell hooks recalls the confusion and anger she felt when she witnessed her father throw her mother out of their home. How did you react when you heard this story? Barbara Smith wonders if just because she is female was she supposed somehow to get stupid?.
If you are a woman, have you ever felt uncomfortable exhibiting intelligence or leadership around men? If a man, do you ever feel threatened by smart women? Do men here on campus behave as if no means no? Why is Mike Tyson considered a hero by many despite his conviction? The Bible and ancient Africa are both invoked to justify sexism and patriarchy. What do you think of these explanations of the natural order of humankind?
Can you think of other examples where nature or God has been used to justify discrimination? Riggs and Barbara Smith decry the notion that to be black is to be heterosexual. Can you recount instances where people have been made to feel unwelcome in black institutions because of their sexual orientation? What is the greatest concern that your peer group has about gays and lesbians?
My Black Is Beautiful’s Latest Campaign Is A Love Letter To Black Men
What can you and your community do to end the exclusion of black gays and lesbians? Riggs is particularly pained by the black church. He acknowledges the critical role the church has played in the freedom movement over the centuries. But he wants the black church to embrace gays and lesbians and acknowledge their contributions. He shows us a gay, black congregation singing gospel music which offers a safe and loving sanctuary for all black people regardless of sexual orientation.
Do you think the church can be a site for reconciliation? For several reasons, not just sexual orientation, many people feel that I cannot go home as who I am. What does this line mean to you? Have you ever felt it awkward or difficult to go home? Family [ to ] Black Is Black Ain't acknowledges the pain and hurt that can occur in parent-child relationships, but also salutes strong, loving black families.
Black families are especially incorporative, including a wide range of relatives and friends who care for and support each other. Have you ever attended a family reunion? Describe the variety of people who are members of your family. Think about your pretend or play aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters and those who are like a mother or father.
How can this incorporative family feeling be extended to the larger black community? In the film, we watch the St. Juliens pour libations in memory of a deceased member of the family. Discuss the rituals in your family and community that pass on African American culture and history from one generation to the next.
But can there be a standard for measuring blackness? Has the fear of acting white ever prevented you from doing something you wanted? Which behaviors and types are held in high regard among your peers and which are not? Do you agree with Essex Hemphill that the life-styles of ghetto teenagers have become the standard or definition of blackness? What are the ideal characteristics of masculinity as portrayed by rap and street culture? How have these models influenced your behavior? Why do you think so many men adopt a tough, or macho pose? What are your attitudes towards successful African Americans living in the suburbs?
What pressures do they face? Should they move to the inner cities? Is there anything our community can do to help inner city youth take a different path?
Multiple Identities and New Forms of Community [ to End] The distinction between a community based on unity and one based on communion is addressed in the final segment of the film. Unity too often implies uniformity, while communion suggests the sharing or exchange of thoughts and feelings. Black people, like people everywhere, belong to more than one community and may have communion with many different kinds of people. Do you believe that black unity is an inherently false, restrictive, maybe even oppressive, concept?
Discuss the various takes on the idea of black unity presented in the film, for instance, the barber thinks that unity is crucial but Michele Wallace worries that a circle of unity always excludes someone. How can you be black yet not be part of one grand black community? Earlier, Marlon Riggs says, All black people have to reconcile themselves If unity is predicated on agreement, what is communion based on?
Does your campus community follow the unity or communion model? What is lost and what is gained if we move away from the goal of black unity toward a vision of black communion? List the communities you belong to. Does your self-identity change when you move from one community to another? If so, how? How do you think Marlon Riggs identified himself? A gay man with AIDS?
A black male? A filmmaker? An activist?
Do you think he allowed an identity to be assigned to him or did he try to construct an identity unique to himself? The gumbo simmering throughout the film symbolizes the rich diversity among African Americans. But Marlon Riggs does not explicitly identify the roux that can bind together the different colors, genders, classes, regions, sexual orientations, etc.